What's the platter?

Sometimes I find that the best food combos are the "strangest". I once dated a girl that dipped her chips (potato, cheetos, funyuns, etch) in ketchup. Some people dont even think about food combos and how great they can be. sometimes its a mix of textures and flavors, sometimes it looks good, sometimes it looks (and smells) like cat vomit. My friend used to mix the velveeta shells and cheese with broccoli with cottage cheese, canned peas, and vienna sausages. He would then top it off with a healthy amount of ketchup. What is it with people and ketchup? Is ketchup the "American Dream"?
I once knew someone that put ketchup on ice cream. Gag. I think the strangest thing I eat is a Peanut Butter and Onion sandwich, or "Goober" burgers. A goober burger is a deliciously grilled burger, topped with peanut butter and a healthy amount of mayonnaise. I dont usually like mayonnaise either. It is slimy and gross.
Enough about food. I am suffering from gall stones and cant eat anything good. I am having my gallbladder taken out in the near future, so after that, i plan on consuming some rare and endangered, maybe mythical creature. Rare. Thats how I want it. I want to taste the meat of a unicorn.
I have often wondered, just out of curiosity, is human considered white meat or dark? Not that I'm interested in trying it.. I just wonder.
I have recently started a new job as a cook. Although I have much experience, its a whole new ballpark when you cant eat any of the food you are cooking without having your innards explode like John Candy's heart. I mean, it all looks so delicious.. But it's so evil. How do I deal?
If you had superpowers, what would they be? To affect the will of others? Fly? X-ray vision? X-ray vision could help lower the world population though if you think about it. Every time X-ray girl checks out a guy's "package", BAM! Sterile. Maybe we could send her to Asia..
Speaking of Asia.. Who thought.. "Hey lets catch the worlds deadliest fish, cut the venom sack out and eat it at risk of killing ourselves?" So here we are.. Back to food. This is the time I stop writing and go eat my fat free cottage cheese and boiled chicken. When you eat, eat heartily. Forget about the hungry kids in Africa. If they really want food, they will move to a place that isnt a desert. CANT YOU TELL AMERICA IS STARVING??? Must.. Build.. More.. McDonalds...