Weary is no way to describe a borderline insomniac. The word 'wretched' comes to mind, as well as 'beaten'. The stress of uncertainty tends to fill the air lately. Not knowing what to do, where to go, or how to get there. Knowing somewhat what to expect in life has become a rare experience. The plot of my world tends to twist rather drastically and unexpectedly. This happens to all of our lives. But I'm not so sure if it is the same. Do other people's stories change so drastically? Do their plot twists at least have something to do with the plot?
I sound like a depressed English teacher. I do not roam the halls of any over populated high school, nor do I sip at bad coffee in an all too noisy teachers lounge. In fact, the image of me being a teacher at all seems downright, well.. Scary! What do I have to teach others? What lessons could I give that could possibly turn this world into a better place? The best I could do is emphasize the importance of music in our lives. I guess I do however, have some interesting stories.
I too, (believe it or not) have made mistakes in my life. I have found that you can listen as much as you want to other people's advice, and what they think is right.. But you are still going to make the same mistakes. I am not saying to not listen to their advice, that would be obnoxious. I am saying though, that when you take someone's advice, you make sure they have your best interests at heart. Weigh your options, but do NOT write off any advice. Take into consideration that all advise is given from a different perspective. Each token of potential knowledge comes with its own potential ending. Just because you don't get the desired results, doesn't mean you failed.
I was married once. I sometimes refer to my wedding day as "Stupid Mistake Day". It has its own marking on my personal calendar along with Columbus Day and National Pie Day. I do love pie. But, back to my point.. Is there a point?? I forget. Oh yes, Stupid Mistake Day. This "mistake" that I made, brought me to some wonderful things. For example; I now get any and all In-Law jokes, I know what it is like to live with someone who by nature is mentally unbalanced, and if it weren't for the mistakes that I made, and the course I followed, I wouldn't have the great friends that I do today.
I am rather shy in person. Dont get my writing confused with my reality. One cannot be shy in writing. Otherwise, what would be written? Besides, it is much easier to hide behind a pen name (which I do, but only because of past stalker issues) where you can brush off responsibility of what you said as soon as you hit the 'Publish' button. Back to the issue at hand. Bashfulness. Some find it endearing or cute. I find it annoying and it becomes troublesome when trying to make friends. Who wants to be friends with the dude that just nods his head and has his hands in his pockets?
I do warm up to people after a short time. Eventually my charm slips through the dark curtains of my humility. The awkward stages seem to float away, and I can easily open up and talk to the person at hand. I have lived with this process my whole life. I have made friends this way, and some have been lost, but others, I hold very close and dear to my heart. I rant and rave and have my insecurities, but I have found a select few people who still appreciate who I am and how I am.
I guess all in all, what I am trying to say is.. When you sleep too little and think too much, sometimes bad things come to mind. You want to try to fix the world and make it a better place for those whom you love. Sometimes it's someone you hardly know who's life you wish to improve. Others and most often it is the ones close to you, whom you can say that you love and care about which get your best wishes. The friends that we lose can either be called mistakes, or lessons. It is up to us to really make that decision. So I guess in conclusion, I am in a way a teacher. But only to myself. I hope reading this in some way helps you help yourself.
And for those who may ask.. I have not practiced my revenge upon the furball.. YET.
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