About a dog

I'll never forget that windy November morning when I picked the quiet pup from the litter of energetic puppies. A female, not to big, and not too small, who stood at the back of the litter and stared at me with the most honest, gentle eyes I have ever seen. On the way home she stood in my lap with her nose pressed to the window, staring at the world passing us by. It took me a few days to come up with a name for her, but when I said those 2 syllables, I knew that this name was created just for this soul.
I had Daphne for 3 months when I was in a car accident. As I lay on the couch in pain, Daphne stayed at my side, day and night. When my hand dropped from the couch, it landed on her back, and she responded with a gentle look and a soft nuzzle. Whenever I was sick, her company could not be beat. Never did she demand my love or attention, and never did she bare and angry tooth. When I became homeless and lived in a tent, Daphne never hesitated or seemed to mind keeping me warm all night and the October wind blew. She never doubted me, and never failed to make me smile with her long ears and friendly disposition.
I remember one morning as I was out paying bills, she was riding in the back seat of my car. As I was sitting there balancing my checkbook, she stuck her head out the window and her tail beat furiously. I heard a woman talking to her, and then the lady asked if she could pet my dog. As tears welled in her eyes as Daphne smiled at her and leaned into her hand with her velvety fur, the woman explained that she had been battling cancer for years, and had gone into remission, and this was her last stop of a string of errands before she would be admitted to the hospital again.
The one time Daphne ever showed aggression towards anyone, was this last spring after she had been run over by a truck. As I tried to pick her up, my hand pushed on her hip, which was broken, and her instincts told her to bite. After a brief growl and snap of her teeth, Daphne looked me in the eye and laid down, letting me do whatever needed to be done. I knew she was sorry even before it happened. When I moved far from home, and had lost most of my friends, I spend Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's with my closest and best trusted companion. She never blamed me for the choices I made, and when I was walking home from work, I could hear her barking from a block away, knowing I would return home any minute.
The quiet outside seems so alien now. Without a baying hound, running in circles in excitement over the squirrel on the telephone line. Her bowls sit empty in the grass, which lays down where she used to lay and run the most. The hole she dug, (which made me so angry) sits empty and unfinished. As the snow gently falls, the world seems even colder than I ever imagined it could. My companion, my dog is now gone.
To some she was just a dog, but to me, she was my most dependable friend. My warmth in the October nights, my family at the holidays, my comfort through any pain. If there is anything in this world that Daphne left me with, its the feeling of being loved unconditionally. When I needed her, she named no price, demanded nothing in return, and gave more than was needed. I love you Daffodil. Today, our family is a little smaller, but my heart is a whole lot emptier. You will be forever missed. Goodbye dear friend.

When I'm Old and Gray

Sitting here staring at the screen, I don't know what's worse. Working all of the time so I can attempt to retire and FINALLY enjoy my life when I'm a million years old, or the fact that no jobs pay well enough to pay the bills AND give you a life. Honestly, if I am still working a minimum wage job when I'm 60, I'll choke myself with my breathing tubes. I see these miserable people greeting customers at the Wal-Mart entrance, and they look like they died 10 years ago. I'm waiting to walk in and trip over a coffin with a sign propped on it that reads "Welcome to Wal-Mart!".They will finally be able to stack the ads high enough for people to be able to reach without bending down and mooning the 400 white trash customers coming in the store behind them.

Of course, by the time I'm 60, China will have cashed in their IOU's and we will be citizens of the United States of China. So maybe my kids and I can work in the same sweatshop? We can huddle in our little house and share a bowl of steamed rice while we count how many yen we made that year.

My point is, what's the point in spending ALL of our time working so that we can get by? It seems like if you want a good job, you have to spend $30K on an education that will be outdated in 2 years, so that you can barely scrape by for another 5 years to pay off your student loans, that way you can have a job that pays you to have time off. I bet if the working class was better cared for, our economy would boom. These are the people who would shop locally, instead of buying a purebred dog from some random dude in Italy.

I regress. Work sucks. I hope I can someday have a special skill that makes me tons of money while I can stay at home with my family and play ping pong or work in our garden. I wouldn't live extravagantly. I just want to be comfortable and be able to provide for my family and make sure my children (including my step-children) have everything they need to be successful if they grow up. Is that so much to ask?

I probably should get back to work. Thank Gods for Monster energy drinks. Gonna be a long night!

All About Change...?

Is change the shifting of one situation to another? Or is it the stuff you always find in between the couch cushions? Amazingly, change is the one thing people fear the most. I have seen people cower from the idea of change, or get excited by the notion of it. Change is inevitable. The more we try to hide from it, or deny it, or delay it, the faster it will come and sweep us off our feet. As inevitable as change is, it is still in our control. we decide how we handle the changes coming our way, and we decide what about us needs to be different. Some people live monotonous lives, repeating the same actions day after day, and some of us strive for differences in out world on a daily basis. The unfortunate ones who hide from change, refuse to make decisions, or deny changes within ourselves are the demons who draw us back from our futures. In the past 2 years, I have personally experienced so many changes in my life, that it has drastically changed who I am. I have lost weight, been through a divorce, was left standing alone in the end of 2 horribly unhealthy relationships, had medical problems for the first time in my life, moved 6 times, lost everything I had, gained everything back, been homeless, jobless, used, and abused. I have committed offenses against my loved ones, made the biggest mistakes of my life, started school, become a father, and am soon to be married. Dealing with change can be hard, but if you man up and make some decisions, you will end up exactly where you are meant to be. The more you settle for what you have, the more you are in denial of change. This is betrayal to yourself and all of those around you. Take a chance once in a while, I guarantee you will always be pleased with the final results. How have I dealt with the changes in my life? I look at it this way.. Life isnt about how much money you have or how many people admire you or want to be your friend. It is about the relationships you have with the few people that will be around you in the end. It is about the trials we endure, the people we actually influence and the changes we create in the world, and the changes the world creates in us. It's all about the journey.. Man... I have made some horrible choices in the last 2 years, but there is no where I would rather be than where my life is at this moment. Im surrounded by people who actually love me for all the right reasons, and who I love for all the right reasons. I have a family. I have children who will look up to me and will be influenced by the choices that I have made and the lessons I have learned. I am giving them the opportunity to change this world for the better. To those who think this is hopeless, those who think they are too small to have any effect, try sleeping in a room with a single mosquito. There is much to learn from that little bastard. Keep at it. And for God's sake, keep it weird.