So after spending the last month deprived of sleep, I finally got caught up. After finally securing a job at a local steakhouse, and some severe family drama (face it, it happens), I went to a friend's house after work on Saturday night. Being the only sober one there, I had a lot of fun laughing at all the drunk people. Although there was only 5 of us, it was a great night. I met new people, made a few new friends, and had a lot of good laughs.
It was one of those surrealistic evenings, where you aren't sure if some of the conversations really happened, or if someone slipped rufalin in your cream soda. The night was cold and the sky was clear. I don't smoke, but I followed the others outside to enjoy their company and get some fresh air. I forgot how clear the sky is in a small town. We could see the Milky Way and the stars seemed to be perched just above our heads. People take nights like this for granted.
As I was the only sober person there, and I tend to be calm, cool, and collected, *dusts lapel* one of the girls there felt that I was a safe haven. I didnt mind. It was nice when things got rough with the other guys, I still had some company. Sometimes sobriety pays.
Its not that I am against drinking. I don't feel like I have to be doing it to have a good time. Sometimes its nice because it helps break the ice when you are meeting new people, making a shy person the life of the party. I chose not to drink because I don't really need it in my life anymore. I have had problems with alcohol in the past, and have decided that I'm tired of fighting that battle. I used to drink fairly heavily. In fact, before I left my ex-wife, I would regularly go through a 12 pack every night after work. It started as a way to unwind, and ended with me depending on it to get through an evening. Since I have kicked that problem, I have lost 100 lbs. I feel great and I feel like I look great. I finally have confidence again. So I don't want to risk going back to that.
I also have very close personal friends who's lives are filled with people with addictions. As a friend I don't want to bring any more of that into their life. Being as good of a friend as this person is, sobriety isn't even a hint of a sacrifice. I am starting my life over (again) and want a clean slate. I don't want problems from my past dragging me down. Inside, I am a very strong person. I have been through a lot in the last year and constantly struggle with depression.
So as the Saturday night turned into Sunday morning, the weariness and stress from the day began to wear off again. Surrounded by new people, loud music, and people needing the feeling of safety and companionship, I was able to forget about the day. I was able to be myself.
I don't think highly of myself. Especially in the past few years. There are things that I like about myself, but there are things that I don't. I don't like a lot of the decisions I have made in the past. (normal) I don't like that I have hurt people that I love. No matter how unintentional it was, I hurt them just the same. I like that I love music so much. I like that I feel like I can write, and that I can draw and paint like I can. I don't like how I look or how I talk. But there is something that I realized. I am meeting new people. I haven't hurt these people (yet) and I hope that I never do.
It's nice knowing that there are some people out there that see and like the things about me that I too like about myself. I met someone who thought I was funny, someone who thought I was a good musician, and was even told that I am sexy! Lol, all things which make for a good night. I hope I can begin to focus on the good qualities about myself, and enhance them to make up for my bad qualities. I hope to improve myself for those around me, and most importantly, to become someone that I like.
I hope to someday make the world a better place. I know that I cannot save the world, but I have the potential to lead others in doing so. These days, a figure like John Lennon is needed more than ever. (note: I am NOT in any way comparing myself to the great John Lennon. I only use him as an example of how one person can show the world what compassion and understanding are.) Is it true that going to a party and NOT drinking made me realize that I can change the world? How does THAT work? The universe works in ways that we will never understand. We will see what one night's experiences bring into my life, and what effect a single experience can have on the world. Unfortunately, it's more likely for a negative event to change the world than a good one. Why are we so full of hate? Why do we dwell on the negativity of the media circus and the pigs who attempt to make decisions for us?
This is America dammit. Believe what you want to believe, but please base it on your own opinion. Don't sit all day watching Fox news or CNN and claim that you know what is going on in the world. The only way to see the world is to live in it. Experience it for yourself.
Question: What the HELL is a "Zhuzhu Pet"? Who wrote the theme song and where do I get one?
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