Weary is no way to describe a borderline insomniac. The word 'wretched' comes to mind, as well as 'beaten'. The stress of uncertainty tends to fill the air lately. Not knowing what to do, where to go, or how to get there. Knowing somewhat what to expect in life has become a rare experience. The plot of my world tends to twist rather drastically and unexpectedly. This happens to all of our lives. But I'm not so sure if it is the same. Do other people's stories change so drastically? Do their plot twists at least have something to do with the plot?
I sound like a depressed English teacher. I do not roam the halls of any over populated high school, nor do I sip at bad coffee in an all too noisy teachers lounge. In fact, the image of me being a teacher at all seems downright, well.. Scary! What do I have to teach others? What lessons could I give that could possibly turn this world into a better place? The best I could do is emphasize the importance of music in our lives. I guess I do however, have some interesting stories.
I too, (believe it or not) have made mistakes in my life. I have found that you can listen as much as you want to other people's advice, and what they think is right.. But you are still going to make the same mistakes. I am not saying to not listen to their advice, that would be obnoxious. I am saying though, that when you take someone's advice, you make sure they have your best interests at heart. Weigh your options, but do NOT write off any advice. Take into consideration that all advise is given from a different perspective. Each token of potential knowledge comes with its own potential ending. Just because you don't get the desired results, doesn't mean you failed.
I was married once. I sometimes refer to my wedding day as "Stupid Mistake Day". It has its own marking on my personal calendar along with Columbus Day and National Pie Day. I do love pie. But, back to my point.. Is there a point?? I forget. Oh yes, Stupid Mistake Day. This "mistake" that I made, brought me to some wonderful things. For example; I now get any and all In-Law jokes, I know what it is like to live with someone who by nature is mentally unbalanced, and if it weren't for the mistakes that I made, and the course I followed, I wouldn't have the great friends that I do today.
I am rather shy in person. Dont get my writing confused with my reality. One cannot be shy in writing. Otherwise, what would be written? Besides, it is much easier to hide behind a pen name (which I do, but only because of past stalker issues) where you can brush off responsibility of what you said as soon as you hit the 'Publish' button. Back to the issue at hand. Bashfulness. Some find it endearing or cute. I find it annoying and it becomes troublesome when trying to make friends. Who wants to be friends with the dude that just nods his head and has his hands in his pockets?
I do warm up to people after a short time. Eventually my charm slips through the dark curtains of my humility. The awkward stages seem to float away, and I can easily open up and talk to the person at hand. I have lived with this process my whole life. I have made friends this way, and some have been lost, but others, I hold very close and dear to my heart. I rant and rave and have my insecurities, but I have found a select few people who still appreciate who I am and how I am.
I guess all in all, what I am trying to say is.. When you sleep too little and think too much, sometimes bad things come to mind. You want to try to fix the world and make it a better place for those whom you love. Sometimes it's someone you hardly know who's life you wish to improve. Others and most often it is the ones close to you, whom you can say that you love and care about which get your best wishes. The friends that we lose can either be called mistakes, or lessons. It is up to us to really make that decision. So I guess in conclusion, I am in a way a teacher. But only to myself. I hope reading this in some way helps you help yourself.
And for those who may ask.. I have not practiced my revenge upon the furball.. YET.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
Late Nights
The windy day seemed to linger forever yesterday. One of those peculiar days where its impossible to be warm or cool. You just get sucked into the transition between comfort and despair. I ended the afternoon with some friends in a nearby town, which is not big enough to even be worth mentioning. A friendly young couple with two young children. I also met a new friend I had met through a social network at their home.
As the afternoon dwindled into evening, I slowly got to know my new acquaintances through laughter and the occasional stab at ones unfortunate anatomy. It was one of those random get togethers, where conversation turns from movies, to hermaphrodites, and none of the conversationalists remembers how the topic changed.
As the girls talked and gossiped about what their friends were saying and doing, us guys just laughed quietly to ourselves at the irony of it all. Girls get mad about their friends talking about them "behind their backs" (Who coined this phrase? When someone behind me is talking, I can still hear the imbecile.), yet in their upset and irrational state of mind they do the same thing in return. Women live their lives in a vicious, self destructive social circle.
I don't mean to speak ill of women. I have many close female friends. This handicap is not their fault. It is bred into their blood by soap operas and magazine articles on "How to tell if your man is cheating". According to said articles, if a man gets too preoccupied with work, and realizes it much too late so buys his lady-friend flowers to just show that he cares, he is diddling another woman. The stress that women add to their lives hurts my soul.
The laughter lingered late into the evening and some good times will be remembered. I look forward to the next meeting of these random souls in this over-sized village. As we closed the party, I began to look inward at my own problems once more. These problems that plague me deeper than I could describe in any one session.
To move on from calendar past, I awoke at exactly five a.m. to a cat pissing on my feet. I see now why some cultures eat these conniving creatures. Their wicked eyes watch as they plot what horrific experience they could put you through next. My dog happened to be sleeping at my side through this vulgar display, and didnt seem to care. Some guard dog.
So I awoke too early, on the wrong side of the bed and pissed ON. Was this the highlight of my day? Perhaps. I am drinking plenty of fluids through the day and studying the sleeping habits of this wicked animal. My revenge will be sweet and the beast will never forget. As I sip at my Vitamin water and hold my breath, I bid you farewell. Remember, the human nature is in itself, irony.
As the afternoon dwindled into evening, I slowly got to know my new acquaintances through laughter and the occasional stab at ones unfortunate anatomy. It was one of those random get togethers, where conversation turns from movies, to hermaphrodites, and none of the conversationalists remembers how the topic changed.
As the girls talked and gossiped about what their friends were saying and doing, us guys just laughed quietly to ourselves at the irony of it all. Girls get mad about their friends talking about them "behind their backs" (Who coined this phrase? When someone behind me is talking, I can still hear the imbecile.), yet in their upset and irrational state of mind they do the same thing in return. Women live their lives in a vicious, self destructive social circle.
I don't mean to speak ill of women. I have many close female friends. This handicap is not their fault. It is bred into their blood by soap operas and magazine articles on "How to tell if your man is cheating". According to said articles, if a man gets too preoccupied with work, and realizes it much too late so buys his lady-friend flowers to just show that he cares, he is diddling another woman. The stress that women add to their lives hurts my soul.
The laughter lingered late into the evening and some good times will be remembered. I look forward to the next meeting of these random souls in this over-sized village. As we closed the party, I began to look inward at my own problems once more. These problems that plague me deeper than I could describe in any one session.
To move on from calendar past, I awoke at exactly five a.m. to a cat pissing on my feet. I see now why some cultures eat these conniving creatures. Their wicked eyes watch as they plot what horrific experience they could put you through next. My dog happened to be sleeping at my side through this vulgar display, and didnt seem to care. Some guard dog.
So I awoke too early, on the wrong side of the bed and pissed ON. Was this the highlight of my day? Perhaps. I am drinking plenty of fluids through the day and studying the sleeping habits of this wicked animal. My revenge will be sweet and the beast will never forget. As I sip at my Vitamin water and hold my breath, I bid you farewell. Remember, the human nature is in itself, irony.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
I wake up in a panic. The new day is suddenly upon me. The twisting searing rays of the sun scorch my eye innards as I peel back the pasty flesh people call lids. What is in store for this new day? What images and sounds will my mind behold?
My eyes blur as I rub the remainders of the previous night's nightmares from them, a necessary ritual in order to take in the nightmare that is reality. The political satire that we call our government tends to commandeer the mind of some. Usually its the ones with too many fears of facing their own political incorrectness that get sucked into the cannibalistic pit that is political science. Is there no one left to not care? Have we all been trapped in this circus where lions are replaced by the working class? Doomed to jump through flaming hoops by those with the correct political stamina?
I regress. Rubbing the eyes. I sit up and wonder exactly where to start my day. The normal activities of a young American cross my mind. Spend hours watching pointless viral videos on Youtube? This is a sadly popular past time. I could spend countless more hours on a social network site enjoying watching the lives of others, as they spend their lives doing the same. What else is there?
Here I write. About what? All I've done is babble on about circus' and sleepy eye goop.. I apologize. But where else does one start, but with the start of the day? Eventually I will get around to mentioning something about music. I always do. The high that a junkie gets from that sweet sting of heroine pumping into his veins after a dry week, that is what the sound of a well written song does for me.
Is this TOO much? Am I getting TOO real? Why write if you can't write freely? Why bother opening up the chamber of antiquities if you have no interest in seeing what treasures have been hidden inside? Are you still following me? I am talking about fear!
What other strange feeling drives us into the unknown? We either drive forward in fear of the past catching up to us, or sit in denial of a changing world in fear of the future. We fear Time above all. Next comes Money. We try not to think about the loss of our sanity.. The risk of contracting some psychotic inducing illness, or being involved in an unfortunate accident resulting in Brain Damage.
Are you not getting the hints I am generously throwing about? Are song names not a clear enough reference? Are you still reading this?
I stumble out of my bed and drag my feet to the stereo. The entertainment center sits only steps from my bed, but in my 'still half asleep' state, it takes the ugly half of a minute to reach it. As i flip the switch that activates the turntable, (yes, I am old fashioned. That's just how I roll.) and the familiar wax disc begins to spin, I gaze upon the familiar multicolored prisms that grace the label of 'The Dark Side of the Moon'.
Going on 40 years old but hardly tarnished by the rust of time, this one album gives me solitude in a world full of Pinocchio's and "do-gooders" that seem to spill into my world. Yes, MY world. I call it "My world" because on this plane of reality, I am the fortunate soul in the position of narrator. On this plane of reality, the world spins on an axis which sits wherever my feet touch the ground. And on this day, the universe spins to a soundtrack composed by the members of Pink Floyd.
Oh new readers of a new blog, don't be discouraged! This is not how my life is lived. This is simply the morning. Soon I will have a massive amount of coffee, trans fat, and processed sugar pumped into my body. Do not fear the coming future. Rush into it aggressively with a soundtrack of your own! Don't waste your time planning and building a future. Build as you go. Your plans will be broken on a daily basis and you will eventually go stark raving mad trying to achieve perfection!
Did I just advise you to not plan for the future? How will that be misinterpreted? Will the circus clowns come get me for saying that? (clowns are not a welcome audience in my world) I am distracted by the bright colors and flashing lights of our political circus yet again. Perhaps today is a day when I can take a break from jumping through the flaming hoops. Perhaps today I will sit in at the freak show. As Dr. Thompson put it; "Just another freak in the freak kingdom."
I leave you with an image of yet another American, living the "American Dream". God Bless.
My eyes blur as I rub the remainders of the previous night's nightmares from them, a necessary ritual in order to take in the nightmare that is reality. The political satire that we call our government tends to commandeer the mind of some. Usually its the ones with too many fears of facing their own political incorrectness that get sucked into the cannibalistic pit that is political science. Is there no one left to not care? Have we all been trapped in this circus where lions are replaced by the working class? Doomed to jump through flaming hoops by those with the correct political stamina?
I regress. Rubbing the eyes. I sit up and wonder exactly where to start my day. The normal activities of a young American cross my mind. Spend hours watching pointless viral videos on Youtube? This is a sadly popular past time. I could spend countless more hours on a social network site enjoying watching the lives of others, as they spend their lives doing the same. What else is there?
Here I write. About what? All I've done is babble on about circus' and sleepy eye goop.. I apologize. But where else does one start, but with the start of the day? Eventually I will get around to mentioning something about music. I always do. The high that a junkie gets from that sweet sting of heroine pumping into his veins after a dry week, that is what the sound of a well written song does for me.
Is this TOO much? Am I getting TOO real? Why write if you can't write freely? Why bother opening up the chamber of antiquities if you have no interest in seeing what treasures have been hidden inside? Are you still following me? I am talking about fear!
What other strange feeling drives us into the unknown? We either drive forward in fear of the past catching up to us, or sit in denial of a changing world in fear of the future. We fear Time above all. Next comes Money. We try not to think about the loss of our sanity.. The risk of contracting some psychotic inducing illness, or being involved in an unfortunate accident resulting in Brain Damage.
Are you not getting the hints I am generously throwing about? Are song names not a clear enough reference? Are you still reading this?
I stumble out of my bed and drag my feet to the stereo. The entertainment center sits only steps from my bed, but in my 'still half asleep' state, it takes the ugly half of a minute to reach it. As i flip the switch that activates the turntable, (yes, I am old fashioned. That's just how I roll.) and the familiar wax disc begins to spin, I gaze upon the familiar multicolored prisms that grace the label of 'The Dark Side of the Moon'.
Going on 40 years old but hardly tarnished by the rust of time, this one album gives me solitude in a world full of Pinocchio's and "do-gooders" that seem to spill into my world. Yes, MY world. I call it "My world" because on this plane of reality, I am the fortunate soul in the position of narrator. On this plane of reality, the world spins on an axis which sits wherever my feet touch the ground. And on this day, the universe spins to a soundtrack composed by the members of Pink Floyd.
Oh new readers of a new blog, don't be discouraged! This is not how my life is lived. This is simply the morning. Soon I will have a massive amount of coffee, trans fat, and processed sugar pumped into my body. Do not fear the coming future. Rush into it aggressively with a soundtrack of your own! Don't waste your time planning and building a future. Build as you go. Your plans will be broken on a daily basis and you will eventually go stark raving mad trying to achieve perfection!
Did I just advise you to not plan for the future? How will that be misinterpreted? Will the circus clowns come get me for saying that? (clowns are not a welcome audience in my world) I am distracted by the bright colors and flashing lights of our political circus yet again. Perhaps today is a day when I can take a break from jumping through the flaming hoops. Perhaps today I will sit in at the freak show. As Dr. Thompson put it; "Just another freak in the freak kingdom."
I leave you with an image of yet another American, living the "American Dream". God Bless.
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